Co-Parenting with Different Parenting Styles: How to Make It Work for Families

Understanding the Challenge in families

Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging journeys we can take. Add in another parent with a completely different approach—and things can get complicated fast. Whether you're in a romantic relationship, co-parenting after separation, or navigating blended families, conflicting parenting styles can lead to tension, confusion, and inconsistency for your child.

But here’s the good news: different parenting styles don’t have to be a dealbreaker. With communication, mutual respect, and a child-centred focus, co-parenting across styles can become a strength—not a weakness.

What Are Parenting Styles?

Parenting styles are general patterns of behaviour and attitudes that shape how we raise our children. The most commonly identified styles, based on the work of Baumrind (1966), include:

• Authoritative: Warm, responsive, and firm on boundaries.

• Authoritarian: Strict and high in control, with less emotional warmth.

• Permissive: Warm and indulgent, but lacking structure or consistent discipline.

• Uninvolved: Low responsiveness and low expectations.

Most parents don’t fit neatly into one category—and that’s okay. Problems arise when parents differ too greatly in their approach, causing confusion or insecurity for the child.

Why Parenting Differences Cause Conflict

When co-parents disagree on rules, discipline, routines, or expectations, it can lead to:

• Mixed messages for children

• One parent feeling undermined

• Power struggles or resentment

• Emotional distress for children caught in the middle

Understanding each other's parenting values and finding common ground is crucial.

Strategies for Successful Co-Parenting Across Styles

1. Communicate Openly and Respectfully

Have regular, non-judgmental conversations about parenting decisions. Instead of focusing on who's "right" or "wrong," aim to understand the reasoning behind each other’s choices. Try this: "Can we talk about how we're handling screen time? I want to understand your perspective."

2. Agree on Core Values

You don’t have to agree on everything, but aim to align on the most important things—like safety, respect, and consequences for serious behaviour. Ask yourselves: What values do we both want to instil in our child?

3. Stay Consistent Where It Counts

Children thrive on consistency. Try to keep rules and expectations relatively aligned between households or routines, even if the parenting styles differ slightly. Example: If bedtime is strict in one home and flexible in another, agree on a middle ground (e.g., same bedtime but with flexibility on how it’s enforced).

4. Back Each Other Up

Avoid undermining each other in front of your child. If you disagree, discuss it privately and present a united front when possible. Remember: Disagreements are normal—how you handle them sets the example.

5. Seek Outside Support if Needed

Sometimes, a therapist, counsellor, or parenting coach can help co-parents navigate differences constructively—especially when communication breaks down or kids are showing signs of distress.

Final Thoughts

Co-parenting with different styles isn’t easy—but it is possible. When both parents commit to putting the child’s needs first, stay open to compromise, and work as a team (even with differences), they model resilience, respect, and cooperation. That’s a powerful gift for any child.

No two parents are the same—and that diversity can be a strength when approached with understanding and flexibility.

References

• Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of authoritative parental control on child behaviour. Child Development, 37(4), 887–907. https://doi.org/10.2307/1126611

• Maccoby, E. E., & Martin, J. A. (1983). Socialization in the context of the family: Parent-child interaction. In P. H. Mussen (Ed.), Handbook of child psychology: Vol. 4. Socialization, personality, and social development (pp. 1–101). Wiley.

• Feinberg, M. E., Kan, M. L., & Hetherington, E. M. (2007). The longitudinal influence of co-parenting conflict on parental negativity and adolescent maladjustment. Journal of Marriage and Family, 69(3), 687–702. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2007.00399.x